iv. damian

written by rohan srinivasan

The bell announced the end of seventh grade. Damian wanted to play Roblox at Micah’s house. Micah wanted to go to the bonfire. Damian protested. Micah said that Josie would be there. So, they went to the bonfire.

Ocean Beach was sunny. The waves looked like strands of whipped cream. Damian wanted In-N-Out. A double-double and animal fries.

They locked their bikes. Micah tried to text Santi. The service wasn’t good. They walked along the sidewalk searching for the group. Micah spotted them huddled toward the Richmond side of the beach. He waved. They waved back. Micah ran toward them without checking to see if Damian was coming too.

Damian only liked one person in this group. The rest were assholes. Always pretending to be fly even though they weren’t. But for some reason they liked Micah, so Micah worshipped them. They usually ignored Damian. Damian and Micah would hang out with them during lunch. Sometimes they would skate together on weekends. The only topic they cared to talk about was heuz. Hoes, get it?

Micah told them he had three on his roster. Damian knew that was a lie. But since Micah lied, Damian lied too. He said he was seeing a girl from a different school. They all sniggered and asked Micah if Damian was capping. Micah said Damian hadn’t even kissed a girl yet. Damian knew Micah hadn’t either, but he didn’t say that out loud.

Josie was the only one who didn’t laugh at him. She defended him, saying the rest of the gang were virgins too. Damian wondered why she hung out with these jerks. She was the only girl in the group. And she made it apparent, too. She wore crop tops and lashes and hoops, just like a popular high-school girl would. Plus, she wasn’t an asshole. She was sweet.

Damian liked her. He sometimes thought he loved her. But he’d never had another love to compare it to, so he couldn’t be certain. He’d made a big mistake by telling Micah. Micah still teased him about it every day.

Damian reached the bonfire. Kendrick was playing on the speaker. Micah had already finished dapping half of them up. Damian was happy to see that Adrian was there. Adrian popped up now and again. Damian used to think Santi invited him to things. If Adrian was Damian’s older brother, he’d also want to show him off to his friends. But Santi confessed once that he never really wanted Adrian to come. Adrian invited himself to their hangouts. Santi said Adrian didn’t have many friends. Most of his homies from school had either moved away for college or were working stupid hours. They all thought Adrian was a bum.

Damian guessed Santi said this crap because he was jealous. There was no way Adrian didn’t have friends. Santi just didn’t know about them. Damian was glad Adrian came despite Santi’s resistance. He felt special knowing that Adrian chose to hang out with them.

Damian and Micah didn’t agree on a lot, but they both thought Adrian was the dopest person they knew. Adrian had natural rizz. Adrian told the best stories about the parties he went to. Some ended in dodging gangs and bailing friends out of jail. Damian and Micah—who had never been to an adult party—would huddle around, listening with their mouths wide open. Adrian was who Santi’s asshole friends wanted to be. But Adrian already was that cool. And he was nice too.

Adrian dapped Damian up and said his haircut looked fire. Damian blushed. Adrian towered over Damian, so Damian literally and metaphorically looked up to him. Damian thought Adrian was extremely handsome. Maybe Adrian looked more handsome than all the other guys in the group because he was older. His features were much more mature. He didn’t have braces or acne. If Damian was gay, he’d definitely have a crush on Adrian.

Josie said hi to Damian next. She gave him a tight hug and told him she was glad he came. She said she would miss sitting next to Damian in science class. Damian started to get a hard-on. Josie let go too fast. Damian’s penis was still standing tall. Santi noticed first. He pointed and laughed. Josie glanced down. She seemed amused.

Damian’s face was on fire. He covered his boner and started kicking up sand, running as far away from the group as possible. He was angry at himself. He was kind of angry at Josie too, for causing that to happen.

Someone was yelling his name. He thought it was Micah, so he turned around. It was Adrian. Damian was even more embarrassed once he realized that Adrian had seen his boner. Adrian caught up to him and put his arm around Damian’s shoulder.

Adrian asked Damian if he liked Josie. Damian hesitated then told him yes. Adrian chuckled and slapped his butt, saying, “that’s my guy.” Damian broke into a smile. Adrian told him he needed to lock in and make a move. Damian asked him what to say. Adrian said that he would hype Damian up to Josie, then Damian should swoop in. Damian was happy with the plan, so he followed Adrian back to the group.

Josie smiled at him sympathetically while the others made jokes about Damian’s shrimp dick. Adrian changed the conversation by sharing a story about when he did shrooms and ended up naked on Twin Peaks. Everyone ooooo’d and aaahhh’d and forgot all about Damian’s boner.

The group split up. Damian pretended to be part of Micah and Santi’s conversation. Really, he was just watching Josie and Adrian talking. Whatever Adrian was saying was working. Josie was giggling.

Finally, Adrian got up and held out a hand to Josie. Damian was tingling with anticipation. He wasn’t nervous anymore. Adrian had his back.

Josie stood up, but Adrian didn’t guide her to Damian. The two of them quietly ducked out of the group. Damian’s smile dropped when he saw Adrian lead her to the parking lot. What part of the plan was this?

Damian tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for them to return. Conversations passed in front of his face (not that any were directed at him).

The sky was dimly lit by the time Damian saw someone walking back toward the group. He could make out that it was Adrian from the brawny build. No Josie, though.

Adrian knelt by Damian and whispered in his ear, “Come with me.”

Damian guessed that it was finally time for him and Josie to have their moment. He excitedly followed Adrian. Micah stumbled behind, asking where they were going. Damian pushed him away, but Adrian said that Micah could come too. Damian was confused. Why would Adrian say that? Micah wasn’t even remotely part of the plan.

Adrian was walking far ahead of them. He strode toward the parking lot confidently, gesturing once in a while for them to keep up. He had a smug look on his face.

Adrian led them to his car. It was parked far away from the others. He put his arms around Micah and Damian. To Damian, he said, “My gift to you, brother.”

Adrian led Damian and Micah to the back window. Damian peeked in and saw Josie sleeping across the seats. She was naked from the waist up. She was smiling and cuddling Adrian’s sweater. Her underwear was pink with a patterned string of hearts. Besides the small stain of blood around her crotch, her underwear looked like it was meant for a young girl on Disney Channel.

Damian remembered that his underwear had childish graphics on it too. Cartoon drawings of The Avengers. He still sometimes shopped in kids’ stores. He should have felt relieved knowing that Josie did the same. So why, then, did he feel like throwing up?

He guessed that Adrian didn’t wear kids’ underwear. Was this what advancing to adult briefs did to you? Did it turn you into a leader? He’d never been close enough to his mom’s boyfriends before to be sure.

The answer had to be yes, though, because Adrian’s arm around his neck felt protective. Like it was ready to show Damian the difference between right and wrong, cool and uncool. Would this be Damian when he was older? Showing some younger boy the legit way to live?

Still, Damian wasn’t stupid. He knew Josie would cry if she found out he’d seen her naked. He knew his mom and Nina and Taylor—especially Taylor—would yell at him if they learned about this.

But they weren’t with him. And Josie was asleep. And even if Josie woke up, she wouldn’t return his feelings. She would hurt him. He was sure of that now. There was no way he would be able to compete with Adrian. And he didn’t want to.

In this moment, Adrian’s arm felt safe, and it was here, actively wrapped around him. Not a yearning. A reality.

Micah was transfixed with Josie. A boner poked through his shorts.

A boner poked through Damian’s shorts too. Damian didn’t hide his erection this time around. He wasn’t sure why he had one. He wasn’t turned on by Josie anymore. In fact, he felt repulsed looking at her.

But both Adrian and Micah had boners, so Damian decided he was supposed to show one off too.

Adrian winked at Damian before directing his gaze back to the window.

Damian followed his lead.

edited by aaron lelito